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And Ben Franklin (inventor of the $100 bill) agrees:

“All the property that is necessary to a Man, for the Conservation of the Individual and the Propagation of the Species, is his natural Right, which none can justly deprive him of: But all Property superfluous to such purposes is the Property of the Publick, who, by their Laws, have created it, and who may therefore by other laws dispose of it, whenever the Welfare of the Publick shall demand such Disposition. He that does not like civil Society on these Terms, let him retire and live among Savages. He can have no right to the benefits of Society, who will not pay his Club towards the Support of it.” – Benjamin Franklin, 1783

Here are two people who seem to understand that the primary theme of the U.S. Constitution is not “every man for himself.”

Of course, he liked the French and she has kind of a lesbian haircut, so nobody on the right will ever listen to either of them.

Over the past few years, I’ve managed to read the entire King James Bible all the way through three times (and there is no better way to confirm one’s atheism.) I’ve also tried to slog through the Book of Mormon, but after a little while, it becomes obvious that it’s the “Phantom Menace” of the Judeo/Christian/Islamic trilogy. I’ve read through the basics of Scientology, which is a great way to make sure you never enjoy a Tom Cruise movie again.

But I’ve never read the Quran. I remember after 9/11 hearing a dozen people say, “Islam is a religion of peace.” I knew nothing of Islam. Maybe it was (unlike every other religion I’ve ever looked into. Except maybe Wiccans and Buddhists.) Then I saw Religulous, a movie Bill Mahr (whom I agree with only about half the time) made where he travels around and interviews Jews, Christians, and Muslims about their wacky beliefs. In one scene, he tries to get an Islamic rapper to say that Salman Rushdie should not be killed for writing a book critical of Islam. The rapper wouldn’t do it. Hmmm. Perhaps I should learn more about this religion.

So, having become bored by the later works of H.G. Wells, I made the Quran my nightly going to sleep reading.

Oh boy.

It’s hard to read. It jumps around all over and every other verse ends with something on the lines of, “Allah is wise, merciful.” I found out that the surahs (chapters) were organized from longest to shortest, not chronologically. And in most cases, they were written by Mohammed to… er… clear up any sort of problem he might be having with his followers at the time. So unlike the Bible, there’s no real story. It’s just a bunch of instructions he thought up as needed. It was written in a reactionary way. There’s a great deal of repetition, often with details changed (which might make one question whether this is the perfect word of Allah.)

Let me try to hit a few of the highlights I’ve learned so far.

This is a continuation of the Jewish/Christian religion. But a number of plot points from the Old and New Testaments get retconned to fit Mohammed’s – sorry – Allah’s view of things.

For example, Jesus is demoted from Son of God (had to turn in his gun and his badge and everything) and becomes merely one in a long line of prophets going all the way back to Abraham (4:171). Mohammed – ug! Sorry! Not Mohammed! Allah! Allah dictated the Quran to Mohammed and it is absolutely perfect! (2:2) Anyway. Allah says that Jesus never called himself the Son of God, and that evil people who came after him are the ones who said that (5:72). Allah makes it clear that he is the only god, there’s no trinity, and if anyone says otherwise, theirs is a painful doom (almost everyone in the Quran gets a painful doom.)

Yes, getting into heaven is kind of hard, unless you devote all your money and your life to Islam (9:19). In fact, one of the only sure ways in is to go to war for Islam against any non-believers you have handy (3:169). But hell is pretty much the standard punishment for any transgression of Islamic law. It’s a big lake of fire, and you’ll be in agony as your skin is burned off. Ah! But then, your skin will grow back, and burn off again!  (4:56) For eternity! And the guys who made it into heaven will look down on you from their garden and taunt you (7:44), because what would make for a better heaven than being able to watch people writhe in eternal agony? Allah is merciful, wise.

Good news for the ladies! The serpent in the Garden of Eden tempts Adam and his unnamed spouse, not “Eve,” as in the Bible (7:20). So women are no longer responsible for getting us kicked out of Eden. No alternate explanation of why they have periods, though.

Bad news for the ladies! You’re only worth half a man (4:176). And men can mary four women (4:3) if they’ve got the money, because you’ve got to buy the woman from their family (4:25). They are, after all, basically livestock. You can also beat your wives as needed (4:34). And if a man doesn’t like his wife, he can always trade her in for another, but he loses his deposit (I’m not making that up.) (4:20) But if you commit adultery, you only get 100 lashes (and the man does, too.) (24:2) However the Old Testament punishment of stoning seems to have crept back in, even though it’s not in the Quran directly.

Jinn (genies) are real, made of fire, and are usually servants of the devil (7:12, 6:128).

If Allah likes you, he’ll throw a thousand invisible angels into a battle to help you win (8:9).

Anyway, there’s a lot more. I just wanted to get a few of my thoughts down on, er, paper. Like the Bible, the Quran is a very violent book. There are a couple of admonitions to be nice to others, but (again, like the Bible,) those rules only count towards people of your own faith. The heathens? Kill ‘em all.

Islam has more control over the day to day lives of its believers than Christianity or Judaism. Mohammed was a prophet in the style of Joseph Smith or L. Ron Hubbard: his strategy was to write to ensure his control over his believers. Like Smith, Mohammed took the basic Judeo-Christian fable and altered it to suit his goals.

Islam is not a religion of peace. It’s a religion of war created by a con man (I seriously doubt he believed a word he wrote) as a way to gain power over the local tribes. It is perfectly okay – and encouraged – to kill non-believers. And killing non-believers in Allah’s name is a sure way to get into heaven.

There’s just no way around it. The hijackers, the guys running around planting IED’s in Afghanistan, the kids strapping on explosives and blowing up Israeli buses – they’re all being absolutely, 100% true to their religion. Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

NEED A SOLID PARTNER AND PROOF
From: UK AIRPORT OFFICER (ytu566@att.net)

I am Frank Williams Director Inspection Unit United Nations Inspection Agent in heathrow International Airport London UK. During our investigation, I discovered An abandoned shipment from a Diplomat from West Africa under ship forwarder was transferred from west African Airport to our facility here in LONDON UK and when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in a Metal Trunk Box weighing approximately 110kg each. The consignment was abandoned because the Content was not properly declared by the consignee as money rather it was declared as personal effect to avoid diversion by the Shipping Agent also the Diplomat inability to pay for Non Inspection Fees.

On my assumption, each of the boxes will contain more that $3 to $4M each and the consignment is still left in storage house till today through a registered shipping Company, Courier Dispatch Service Limited a division of Tran guard LTD. The Consignment they are two metal box with weight of about 110kg each (Internal dimension: W61 x H156 x D73 (cm). Effective capacity: 680 L.)

Approximately, The details of the consignment including your name the official document from United Nation office in west Africa are tagged on the Metal Trunk box. I will advice you to Provide your Phone Number and Your full address, to cross check if it corresponds with the address on the official document including the name of your nearest Airport and other details. You can send the required details to me for onward delivery. All communication must be held extremely confidential. I can get everything concluded within 3-6 hours upon your acceptance and proceed to your address for delivery. But i must get assurance from you concerning my 50% before i will proceed.

I want us to transact this business and share the money,since the shipper have abandoned it and ran away.I will pay for the Non inspection fee and arrange for the boxes to be moved out of this Airport to your address, Once we are through i will deploy the services of a secured shipping Company geared to provide the security it needs to your doorstep. or i can bring it by myself to avoid any more trouble. But i will share it 50% to you and 50% to me. But you have to assure me of my 50%.

Below are my direct telephone numbers and i wait to hear from you. Please contact me only on this email address (frnk2014@blumail.org)

Regards,

Mr.Frank Williams
INSPECTION OFFICER UNITTED KINGDOM DIPLOMAT AGENCY

Now, I don’t recall requesting any multimillion dollar shipments from West Africa, but if this inspection officer is willing to play ball, who am I to turn down all that money? And this email has really forced me to open my eyes and look at some of my prejudices. I had just assumed that everyone working for the UK Diplomat Agency had a solid command of the English language. Well, you learn something new every day.

But before I could even write back to Frank, I received…

Re: MR CHRIS LUCAS GET BACK TO ME
From: Mr.Chris Lucas (chrislucas001@att.net)

OUTSTANDING PAYMENT

Dear,

My Name Is Mr.Chris Lucas.Of Group Finance Director Department Of The Barclays Bank London Plc. I Am Sending This Private Email Based On The Confidentiality Of The Transaction. Please, I Will Like To Advise If After Going Through My Proposal And You Do Not Accept It; Kindly Keep It To Your Self. As Of This Moment, I Am Still In Service With The Barclays Bank. And I Will Not By Any Means Like To Lose My Job, If You Are Not Interested. I Have Put In Over 23 Years In This Bank But I Do Not Have Anything To Show For It.

This Is Just My Opportunity To Make Sure That I Give My Children A Decent Training. Infact I Am Sick And Tired Of Everything Here I Need To Get Out. I Found Out That You Almost Met All The Statutory Requirements In Respect Of Your Payment. Please Be Equally Advised That No Security Company In world Can Handle Your Contract Payment/Inheritance Fund With Any Bank Without The Instructions Of The Barclays Bank .

Your Problem Is That Of Interest Group In The Barclays Bank London That Is Supposed To Transfer Your Fund valid at USD$25.5 Milion With The Approval Of The Board of Directors (B.O.D) A Lot Of People Are Interested In Your Payment And That Explains Why You Receive Emails And Phone Calls From Different People Everyday. Their Whole Game Plan Is To Frustrate You In Order For You To Abandon The Contract Payment And Then, They Will Be Comfortable And Free Enough To Transfer The Contract Funds Into Their Overseas Account. Their Aim And Target Is Not The Money You Are Giving Them But To Frustrate You. Hence, You Have Lost Trust On Whom To Believe To Be Genuine.

I Can Assure You That This May Last For Years, Yet Nothing Happens. To Sum It Up, I Wish To Assure You That With My Positon Here In The Group Finance Director Department, I Will Punch The Computer And Credit Into Your Account Straight. I Can Accomplish This Under Five Working Days. But We Have To Reach An Agreement. First Of All, You Have To Let Me Know How Much You Will Give Me At The Consummation Of This Deal.

Finally, You Will Have To Accept To Keep This Transaction Strictly
Confidential If You Accept My Proposal, Kindly Get Back To Me Immediatel And Confirm Your Par-ticulars On Reply.

Regards,
Mr.Chris Lucas
Contact At:+4470-3590-9653
Email: mr.chris.lucas@w.cn

Whoa! This has got to be legit, because all Barclays Bank correspondence Is Written With Every Word Capitalized! And Chris sounds like he’s willing to accept less than half of the $25.5 million! It’s so nice to find someone who isn’t all about the greed, the way Frank is.

And I was very surprised to learn that those Phone Calls From Different People Everyday were actually from Barclays and not about that credit card I’m behind on. I really need to stop screening those 800 numbers! I don’t remember any $25.5 million wire transfers being made to me recently, but I’m such a doofus. I didn’t remember the huge crates of cash being shipped from Western Africa either!

Anyway, I don’t want to be greedy. I only need a few million to live on. And these guys have been so nice, and risked so much to help me. I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to ask Chris from Barclays to keep $8 million and send me the other $17.5. Then when Frank arrives with the $8 million cash in crates, I’ll tell him he gets to keep all of it, just for being so loyal to me!

What a great day! I can’t believe I almost didn’t read those emails because they ended up in my spam folder.

Well, there’s your problem.

Let me explain. When a typical modern web page is drawn on your computer, it’s most likely going to use a few bits of something called JavaScript. This is a fairly powerful programming language that web developers use to enhance their pages. The “Like” button on Facebook? JavaScript. A picture gallery? JavaScript. A million little web behaviors you never notice? Also JavaScript.

So what’s with the chart? It shows the relative speeds of different browsers running a common JavaScript speed benchmark called SunSpider. Lower numbers are better. Note the gargantuan size of the IE 8 bar! The real-world consequence of this chart is that a typical modern web page may very well load 10 times slower if you’re using IE 8 as opposed to, say, Google Chrome or Apple’s Safari.

And the problems with IE 8 don’t stop with JavaScript. There’s another web technology called HTML5. Basically, it’s an improved, faster way for web developers to add lots of cool new features to your browsing experience. Unfortunately, since IE 8 is from the last decade, it doesn’t support HTML5 at all. Do you care? If you don’t now, you will soon. If you’re using IE 8, more and more websites will become slower and slower.

So what’s to be done? According to most web stats, about a third of you are reading this on IE 8 right now. Some are using Firefox, which is a perfectly cromulent browser, and if you’re on a Mac, you’re probably using Safari, which is the best browser for the Mac, so you’re fine.

If you’re on IE 8, why not just upgrade to IE 9? Well, IE 9 won’t run on Windows XP, and it has its own set of problems (and note in the chart that it’s still not nearly as fast as the other browsers.)

If you’re going to switch to a modern browser on the PC, your best choice right now is Google Chrome. It’s extremely fast, standards-compliant, and safer than Internet Explorer.

Why not switch to Chrome if you’re on a Mac? Well, there are versions of Chrome and Firefox on the Mac, but they’re second rate. Those development teams reserve their best work for the PC. That’s okay, though. Safari is super-fast and standards compliant (in fact, under the hood, it uses the same engine as Chrome.) Your best bet on a Mac is Safari.

Okay, so you want to try out Chrome, but you’ve got a bunch of saved passwords and bookmarks in IE. Don’t worry, there’s an easy way to import them to Chrome.

First, to install Chrome, go to http://www.google.com/chrome. Follow the usual routine of downloading and installing a new program.

Once it’s up and running, you can import all your saved stuff from IE by following the simple instructions on this Google page.

And that’s pretty much it. Chrome will ask you if you want to make it your default browser. If you’re comfortable with it, say “yes.” Don’t worry, IE will always be on your hard drive should you need it for some reason (you won’t.)

Oh, one other note about Chrome and privacy (since everyone talks about Google and privacy.) If you’re paranoid, you can go into Chrome’s settings and turn on a whole bunch of privacy features. But I’ll let you in on a secret: It’s too late. If you’ve been on the internet for more than a week in your life, your name, email address, probably your city, gender, and a couple of pictures are already out there at a minimum.

But the most nefarious use that your info is likely to be used for is internet ads. Unlike in IE, you can do something about that with Chrome (or Firefox, or Safari.) If you’re using Chrome, get the AdBlock extension. This will eliminate the vast majority of ads on the internet. Yes, you’ll be able to read an article while not being distracted by 50 dancing states wanting you to buy car insurance.

If you’re on the Mac, you can add it to Safari by going up to the Safari menu and choosing “Safari Extensions.” AdBlock is the most popular extension on the list.

So, are you on Chrome for the PC or on Safari for the Mac? Then I leave you with this fun little demo of what you can now do.

*The chart is from a nice article that compares modern web browsers. If you’re a techie, it’s worth a look.

Here is Hatsune Miku. It (she?) is a a vocaloid, an artificially created voice (though originally using samples of a Human voice.) She’s (?) very popular in Japan, so much so that Crypton Future Media, which owns (?) her (?) got Sega to create an animated version of her (?) for a live (?) concert. Here she (?) is (?) performing (?) one of her (?) hits:

You can actually buy her (?) voice from Crypton Future Media and get her to talk or sing anything you want, in any range you want. It’s proven so popular, Crypton plans to make an English language version.

But how do you create an animation to use as your lead singer, your focal point, for an entire concert? In the above video, shot from dead-on in front of the animation, it looks pretty convincing. But take a look at this “behind the scenes” video. It becomes obvious that she’s (?) being projected on a huge glass plate. You can see the reflection of the audience in it, and for some reason, there’s a black line running along the top of it. And if you aren’t dead-on in front of it, the illusion breaks down fairly quickly.

(Sorry, embedding has been disabled for this video. Here’s the link.)

And yet, I bet this is already good enough for 12-year-olds.

So what’s the next step? Well, get a bigger piece of glass, make it less glossy, double the wattage of the projectors… that’s a start. I’m not sure what to do about the viewing angle. But then again, I don’t have a clue how 9/10ths of what you see above was done, so for all I know, the solution is already singing in someone’s lab.

Of course, there’s still the question of whether or not anyone would want to spend $60 to see her (?) perform live (?). But really, what’s the difference between an animation like this and a Human pop idol?